Saturday, 14 December 2013

Why I am scared of falling in love......

I remember distinctly reading ''The Strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde'' , for me it was an eye opener. I suddenly saw with such clarity. That book impacted me in such a way that I can read people with great accuracy without knowing much . From this book I begun to note that many people wear masks and that sometimes the person you think you know on the outside is not who that person really is. It hit home for me because I realised I knew people who were like this-two different people. Now I realise you may be getting bored with this so you are more than welcomed to stop reading now but you will miss out on the lesson in the story here.
I noticed that for some people  love meant saying it once in a while and for others it meant showing it everyday. Now mind you people do show there love in different ways but to me just saying it was not hitting the mark. Words mean nothing if it is not backed up by the way you treat another person. Yes there are others ways to show love and yes the way you show it is different for each person  but to me you ought to say less and mean more!
Love is not about manipulation, control, anger or jealousy. Love does not live on such. It's not about using the person to meet your own ends. It's about compromise and it's also about ensuring that the other person does not have to live in your shadow. I don't believe in the statement that'' Behind every great man is a great woman'' That's preposterous! It implies that men get all the glory and attention whilst women do all the propping and the actual work. Why can't it be side by side huh? This is not equality nor a world I should like to live in. I guess what I am most scared of is not being alone, I actually quite enjoy my own company but to fall in love with someone who for the life of me is just an emotional vampire. Let me clarify  I don't fear commitment I think that part comes naturally when you care abut someone. I just fear falling in love because it's  so hard to say goodbye to someone who you love and you know is not good for you yet you keep going back like a helpless flightless bird because the love is holding you there. Love really does make you do crazy things and I know it's kind of asking a lot of the universe to say hey when I do fall in love make sure  it's not with an a-hole or a man who won't treat me like I deserve to be treated. But you ought to believe you deserve better than that. Don't fall for someone who is not determined to show you exactly what you mean to them. They should never let a day go by without showing you how much they care. If they fail to show it you better believe it does not exist because someone who cares will show it, every decision they make will take you into consideration.
I now have come to believe that there is absolutely no need to search for love because there is and always will be enough love within me. I believe that there is no such thing as a man shortage. Because as soon as one man decides to leave another man comes along much like buses. I  hold fast to the belief that inspite of all my short-comings I am and forever will be inherently and irrevocably good enough. Nothing and no man can change that! In fact  my worth is not even dependant on anything at all- I am just simply worthy regardless. That's why falling in love is no longer on my radar I am letting the universe handle that now!

Heart Follower

Friday, 13 December 2013

Unconditional love

Is that even possible? Is man capable of acting on love without even the slightest urgency of a love returned? Could man be that pure of heart? Is man capable of such?

These questions boggle my mind with such a resounding  fortitude that it is undeniable. If we were to take a man, strip away  his ego I'd say it was possible. In fact I would say the only being capable of loving another without any conditions is a man who has mastered himself and has been strip down to the core of his inner being, ego-less. It is the ego which promotes the disillusionment of building bridges when the ego does not facilitate such. Only love can. Only love can build bridges by which promotes the intimacy required for fulfilling a satisfied union. So who can love you regardless of situations or circumstance well your mother. This is not to say others may not. There may be plenty of people who love you for you irrespective of your short-comings. And that is the most beautiful thing one can experience. To be loved, valued and appreciated just by virtue of who you and not for what you can offer. Many people would kill to experience such a feeling.

One thing to note is that the love we hold for others is a direct reflection of the love we hold for ourselves. So  anytime our love fails it is because we do not love ourselves enough. You must love yourself so much so that love spills over and perfumes everyone that comes into contact with you.
So what is this unconditional love business about? Can you honestly say that you would love this person regardless of the situation, circumstance or who they might be.

For this kind of love to be brought into your life you must give up all notions of how you think he/she should be. Let love show up on its own terms. The universe is always on your side. Be weary that when you do find a good guy to remember that not everyone shows love the same ways, honor each others uniqueness and aim to understand each other. Embrace the differences. Let love show up!

Heart Follower

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

What we achieve inwardly will change our outer reality

What we achieve inwardly will change our outer reality.-Plutarch

Every limiting belief you let go of, every time you refuse to act in ways which were previously thought to be the only way, every time you embrace the habits of the new person you wish to become you change. This affirms the fact that self-awareness and exploration is important. Growth always starts within then manifests outward. Anytime you feel dissatisfied with you where you are at, look within and notice that there is a misalignment of intention. Correct your limiting belief! Quite often we have labelled a thing we wish to change as a good thing in a another  name in our belief system. This misalignment of intentions will not correct itself you must.

''Remember.......the entrance to the sanctuary lies inside you.''-Rumi
 We don't  need magic to change the world, you hold within you all the tools necessary and all the power required to change yourself and the outer world will follow suit. The greatest gift you can possibly give to the world is your own transformation. Won't you transform?
Heart Follower

Sunday, 8 December 2013

The Art of Solitude

As a self-proclaimed introvert I personally know the benefits of solitude but since everyone is not an introvert and in actuality no one person is strictly an introvert or extrovert as that would make that person clinically insane. That such temperaments or personalities  exists on a spectrum and to operate at our best means to honor the introvert as well as the extrovert in each one of us. But since we live in a extrovert world that promotes anything extroverted it is of the utmost importance that we all hone our introversion. There is a saying that to be a master at anything  you must dedicate 10,000 hours. This is largely true. But the true mastering of a craft begins when you are alone- just you and what ever task lays before you. As a blogger, I noticed that to be utterly alone with myself, no distractions, I can completely surrender myself to my work, I also practise this sort of mindfulness with my other tasks. I feel I can best tap into my creative energy when I am alone. Without people around to give me even the slightest notion to conform to their way of thinking instead of trusting my own . I have never in my wildest dreams found something more companionable than solitude. It's ironic how slipping away from all this social media and social interaction makes a person feel so connected and so alive. When you are utterly alone you can be yourself well without the judgements of the world  it   allows your creativity to flow.  Nikola Tesla stated, “The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone, that is the secret of invention; be alone, that is when ideas are born.” He and many other great minds will tell you the same. There is a certain amount of aloneness that comes with the mastery of your craft but then again are you really alone if you are always there for you? Well do you trust yourself? Can you really be absolutely alone without using an escape? I honestly believe that the greatest test of a man's authenticity is whether the disposition he keeps in solitude is the same he keeps in a crowd. Many will not know the truth but a man lying to himself will know it for himself and hopefully this might ignite something inside him. Spend some loving alone time with yourself. Discover new things about you. Use this new awareness of yourself and your circumstances to propel you further in life. You were not meant to be mediocre!  You are destined for greatness!

Warning: I am not, however by any means saying to give all your possessions and go live in the mountains indefinitely. Or to completely seclude yourself from society. I am simply saying that the quality of being an introvert is nothing to ashamed of and that we should nurture both our extrovert and introvert within all of us. Lovingly accept ourselves as we are then move on from there.

Heart Follower


Age and maturity  have no correlation.  Way too many times I have found adults  that still act  like  children. Not in a good way in a way that questions their age and superiority among other things. When we lock our inner child and do not deal with the trauma that they have endured, our inner child starts to control our lives. The ''inner child'' is simply a metaphor for the place within each and everyone of us that is adventurous, cheerful, playful, curious. It is the part of us that never ceases to dream, to imagine, to be bold and creative. Without the expression of our inner child life is dull and monotonous. When we have allowed the world to taint us we become alone, sad, mistrustful, tense, irritable and suspicious among other things. Once we haven't designated time to heal our inner child, he/she will lash out in subtle ways through out our lives relentlessly. It is begging for healing, its asking you to simply let the love in. Truth is our inner child needs healing, when we ignore it our lives will continue to suffer. Until we heal our inner child we will never reach our true potential or become our highest self. We must dig deeper to soar higher.
As children, we internalised our every short-coming or everything we perceived to have done wrong as us not being good enough or there being something wrong with us. We essentially learned to reject ourselves. We ought to become more loving and nurturing with ourselves. To heal our past hurts we must look at your past and instead of wondering what was I thinking we must think what was I learning. Because every situation in your past is molding you into the person you were meant to be. We must forgive ourselves for neglecting our inner child and make a promise to heal ourselves before it is too late. We ought to lovingly accept our inner child as he/she is. Embrace all the quirky, frail, lovable and silly parts. Remind yourself daily that you are perfect, whole and lovable just as you are. Release the hurt by loving your inner child. NOTHING can heal like love can!
Below  is what maturity looks like if you don't exhibit these indicators be sure to re-evaluate yourself. Notice the reasons why you do what you do. Begin to heal your inner child and notice that you too will begin to act in the ways explained below.

  Indicators of Emotional maturity:
  • Love is sharing. Fosters a sense of security which allows vulnerability and strength. Can accept love.
  • Uses emotions as an energy source; can set goals and seek solutions.
  • Confronts and analyses challenges promptly, seeks many solutions and chooses the best ones. Accepts responsibility.
  • Helps enhance the quality of life of their loved ones and can accept help.
  • Life is a learning experience. Accepts responsibility and learns from feedback. Looks for opportunities. Moves on!
  • Relaxed and confident enough to plan and achieve what they want.
  • Is adaptable. A great independent worker, manager to team worker when required to. Experiences empathy and compassion.

Take time to care for your inner child. You must dig deeper to soar higher. After all you're worth it! You are destined for greatness.

Heart Follower