Monday, 1 December 2014

Somewhere beyond space and time

Sometimes I see her, that woman I want to be. Clearly, with no judgements, just love and sometimes I don't because I'm hurt, because I'm healing. Because I'm tenderhearted. Because unlearning patterns is hard work and not linear. This is a process and part of the process is losing your way in order to find it again. I just want the simple things, a free spirit, a wild heart, an open mind and fearless eyes.

Some feelings  you don't have words for them, you learn to define them by those who gave them to you. So I called love by the name that was bestowed upon you. At first I thought love needed to be tamed but I was wrong love was best untamed, untainted, wild and free. I don't know much about anything but this much is certain I saw all I ever was, am and want to embody is in him. So I keep him near as my life line, not that I couldn't be without him, he wasn't the air I breathed or the sunlight I needed to see, or  dark chocolate. He was as necessary as he was unnecessary. He lived forever in my imagination, to sense him near meant I wasn't some delusional psycho maniac. Although I admit he meant much more to me than I let on .

Maybe I still live in my own delusional world, maybe I'm the only crazy one here. Maybe I still haven't transformed into the woman I desire to become. Time and space can't deny this  knowingness I  feel from my core. Knowingness is about all I have but I know that I can count on it. Somewhere beyond space  there is knowingness that love is always here and that he beckons for only me and I for him.

Heart Follower

* Image by Janneke zonder Jip*

Friday, 5 September 2014

Don't be ruled by 'shoulds'

Sometimes we have this undeniable ache in life inspite of doing everything according to plan, the plan so meticulously calculated for us by our parents and society. When we live it out we get this nagging feeling like 'Is this it?, ' Is this what the sum of all my efforts have afforded me?' When this happens  we can't help but just burn it all in the hopes that only our truest truth will rise again out of the ashes like a phoenix. Sometimes we can work hard on something and we really don't get a reward or accomplishment for it, but we do become a better person for it. When we thrust ourselves in our work and experience 'flow' no matter how little results you produce. You will always create the right environment for your truth to emerge when you engage intently on your desires. That in turn creates the desired fuel for your mission.

So, I don't feel remorse for my decisions, because each has forged me into the person I am today. I don't feel guilt or shame because nothing is done in vain. All I hold dear is the one I know without reason is the source of my breathing. Life is all about allowing your truest truth to be expressed because we are nothing without it.

Yea, some days I feel out of sync but that also makes me feel alive. I don't feel as hard or passive as a rock, I feel so much and it can be overwhelming at times to feel but that only makes me more human. I'm not always bubbling with joy at every moment, and I'm not painless and I still cry sometimes. But that's just because I feel everything now instead tricking myself into hiding and numbing the pain away. I feel unsure, I Feel passionate and clarity and purposeful. Luckily the pain doesn't last forever. I definitely don't always have the answers to everything and I don't beat myself about it anymore. I can trust that with each step I am guided perfectly. I know now that the only way to be truly spiritual is to allow myself to be guided by my inner loving whisper, my God conscious instead of  everything else.

Heart Follower