Monday, 1 December 2014

Somewhere beyond space and time

Sometimes I see her, that woman I want to be. Clearly, with no judgements, just love and sometimes I don't because I'm hurt, because I'm healing. Because I'm tenderhearted. Because unlearning patterns is hard work and not linear. This is a process and part of the process is losing your way in order to find it again. I just want the simple things, a free spirit, a wild heart, an open mind and fearless eyes.

Some feelings  you don't have words for them, you learn to define them by those who gave them to you. So I called love by the name that was bestowed upon you. At first I thought love needed to be tamed but I was wrong love was best untamed, untainted, wild and free. I don't know much about anything but this much is certain I saw all I ever was, am and want to embody is in him. So I keep him near as my life line, not that I couldn't be without him, he wasn't the air I breathed or the sunlight I needed to see, or  dark chocolate. He was as necessary as he was unnecessary. He lived forever in my imagination, to sense him near meant I wasn't some delusional psycho maniac. Although I admit he meant much more to me than I let on .

Maybe I still live in my own delusional world, maybe I'm the only crazy one here. Maybe I still haven't transformed into the woman I desire to become. Time and space can't deny this  knowingness I  feel from my core. Knowingness is about all I have but I know that I can count on it. Somewhere beyond space  there is knowingness that love is always here and that he beckons for only me and I for him.

Heart Follower

* Image by Janneke zonder Jip*